Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
