is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize