I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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