I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
