a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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