I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
