My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
