I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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