My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
