Grow some girl-balls and come out already
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
