I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
