i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
