I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
