Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
