Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Are we still banned from the library?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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