You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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