Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There was a lot of him and a little penis
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
