Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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