Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
