but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
