Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
