She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
