Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
