when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize