Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
