I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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