am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
