Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your cock deserves a montage
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
