New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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