i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize