walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
there is glitter all over my balls
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