do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
