doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
