i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he's gonorrhea incarnate
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
