Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
