just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize