he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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