my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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