Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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