you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
