im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
