my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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