I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
