"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
