is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
