did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
