cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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