i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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