i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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