if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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