u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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