I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
