mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
