operation harelip BJ is a go
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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