I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
