I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
