My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
