paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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