I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
