all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
