Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the day after is always just damage control
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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