i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
