She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
