onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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