I feel like abortions should bother me more
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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