Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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