that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
