Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
