Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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