he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There r osticjed everywhere
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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