Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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