I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
