It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
