Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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