I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
