From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
