If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
