Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
