Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
