my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
