yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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