We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
