he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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