Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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