you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize