i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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