I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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