I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
