I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
