We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
