Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
