By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
