I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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