I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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