i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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