I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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