The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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