Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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