We need to rekindle our bromance
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry about my life...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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