i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
